Sometimes I wish people could leave things in the past. When you grow up your not the same person you were one or two years ago. Things happen and you learn from it, you take the bad and turn it into good. Some pretty shitty things have happened, not only to others faults but also a lot of my own. What can you do? Pick up the pieces forgive and forget realize that your not always going to be perfect and that the people you thought were aren't either. What a shocker? NOT. Everyone does things they wish they could take back or even take back saying. It's apart of life.  I worry about it too much yes, but other people worry too much for me or about me and my business. I like to think I'm finding out who I am, what I am capable of, what I know and who I choose to spend my time with. Nobody will ever be perfect but if we are honest with one another and speak out face to face instead of how petty and cady girls are things will be so much better. I'm at a good place in my life and for people to judge what used to be is ridiculous, you don't know how it is now much less how I am now. I'd like to think I've grown and my friends have too. That's that. it's life, we just learn to change.

I love it how people always say their going to change, and how in that moment you look into their eyes and believe. Dont' be fooled anymore to anyone who has ever told you I'll try harder, its my fault, i'm sorry, please forgive me, It will be different this time. It won't, I've learned that lesson over and over again. This time I'm not falling for the look in the eyes, and the apologies. Its over. Yet, it's not like it even matters.

Saying goodbye to people is tough. Especially when your saying goodbye to them in death. Wishing you had one more moment to tell them how you truely felt when they were here, or how you just don't know how your going to be able to go on with out them in your life. Each day someone loses a person who was dear to their heart. I've dealt with it so many time I've seem to have lost count. In the end, I've learned it doesn't matter if you find the words to express how you feel, or if you even get the chance to say them, because sometimes things are better left unsaid, and those who weren't able to hear how you felt, already know.

I kinda feel like everything came crashing down, the whole world i've known for a while was crushed in one single conversation. How could something be the best thing and the sweetest thing for you...yet kill you at the same moment. It was a realization that was coming I just decided that i never wanted to face it....and after having faced it...i know exactly why i never wanted to in the first place.

-I'm a survivior i'm not gon' give up i'm gon' work harder keep on survivin'-

On one hand, expectations can inspire you, but then again, they can really let you down.

4 days